


Tokens

by Sketch_A_Bow



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Acceptance, Durincest, Family, Fili and Thorin hashing out their feelings, Lil bitty bit of angst, M/M, Nicknames
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-03
Updated: 2014-04-03
Packaged: 2018-01-18 01:46:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1410430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sketch_A_Bow/pseuds/Sketch_A_Bow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>If you thought it was a bit odd for me to have a dwarf using "He's my Shire" as a term of devotion, I just couldn't get my brain to lie happy with the Arkentstone and Erebor references shared between both of them. I know, it's a very dwarvish way to say it, and they're dwarves, but... So instead I made up a nice little headcanon that Kili really loved listening to Bilbo's stories, and he was always so passionate and emotional about his home that Kili decided it was a fitting term. He loves Fili as much as Bilbo loves the Shire. I know, what a sap I am. *hides in corner*</p></blockquote>





	Tokens

 

     The Heirs of Durin’s line were supposed to detest elves and anything related to them. Especially when traveling in the same company as Thorin. But Fili and Kili couldn’t be put off by any amount of grousing from their uncle. Rivendell was the loveliest place to rest and explore, and they didn’t find the elves that bad. Strange, yes, and a bit too clean and academic, but with their own uses. When they had asked for a space to train in, several elves had trailed behind them, curious despite their attempts at lofty attitudes. Upon discovering that dwarven training simply meant wrestling around in the dirt, their audience had rapidly dissipated with disgusted looks and whispers.

 

     Glad to be left alone, Fili had grinned wolfishly at his brother, and the real fighting began. They went through all the routine exercises, just as they had every day of their lives. So long had they practiced together that each knew every move the other had. Which is why they had to resort to dirty tricks. In reality, it was a good practice in utilizing their surroundings, but between the brothers it became a competition of who could win by the most ridiculous means.

 

     Fili made the first move by jumping over the low railing surrounding the plaza, and disappeared into one of the many gardens throughout the elvish city. Laughing, Kili took chase. Exploding onto one of the paths, Fili dodged through the middle of a large group, rapidly leaving the outraged cries behind him. While his brother had the element of surprise, Kili was not so lucky. Using his reflexes, he feigned a dart to the left and rolled under a barrel that two other elves were carrying, recovering just in time to see a golden mop of hair flash in a doorway. The chase led down through the kitchens, where Fili tried to slow his brother down again by throwing rolls at him from a passing basket. Nimbly, Kili caught one and ate it as her ran. He was quickly gaining as they flew back up a flight of stairs, and around a tight turn. Feeling, triumphant, Kili put on a last burst of speed, sliding around the corner and into… a room? Before he could recover himself and get a lock on his target, the door was slammed behind him, plunging the room into darkness.

 

     He knew that he was in the room the brothers had been given to share while staying in Rivendell, but it was not quite familiar enough for him to traverse in the dark with confidence. Somewhat confident that the wash table was behind him, Kili slowly backed up until his hand touched cool stone. From there he felt along the wall until he found the table, and then the bed. The goal was to stand on the bed to get high ground from attack, and to muffle his movement in the soft fabric. He had just gotten one knee up onto the bed when a weight came at him from behind, making him lose his breath in a huff and collapse forward. Face smothered in the sheets, Kili heard a dark chuckle right beside his ear.

 

          “Gotcha.”

 

     But he wasn’t done yet. Letting his entire body go limp, Kili waited for his brother to make the first move. As soon as he felt the weight shift, he threw his entire body in the opposite direction, rolling so that he was the one pinning instead of being pinned.

 

          "Double gotcha.”

 

     Fili was still laughing beneath him; he could feel his body shaking. Sitting back, Kili let him turn over so he could breathe. Now that his eyes had adjusted, the room wasn’t nearly so dark, and he could just see the beads in his brother’s hair gleaming. The ones in his moustache were especially distracting. Kili remained enthralled by the low glowing of the gold as Fili slowly raised himself up on his elbows, until their lips met. They kissed languidly, Kili enjoying the warmth his brother radiated. Then his train of thought was rudely interrupted as he was flipped onto his back. Fili braced himself so that he was suspended just short of touching, and Kili huffed at his smug expression.

 

          “One would think you would have learned that trick by now. It works every time though.”

 

          "You fight dirty,” Kili pouted.

 

          “Hmm, yes. I find I rather enjoy being a dirty player, it has so many rewards.”

 

     He focused his gaze back on Kili, watching his desire being mirrored in dark eyes. They had done this so many times before, but every time he still felt the same, as if all his emotions would start spinning too fast and he would burst like barely-cooled molten gold. He was heady with thoughts of gold and coal when the sharp intrusion of afternoon light blinded him. Throwing a hand up to shield his eyes, he felt his veins fill with ice. They had forgotten to bar the door in their games. Quick as a snake he slithered off of where he had his brother pinned at the waist, but it was too late. Eyes adjusting, Fili saw their uncle standing in the doorway, his face backlit and unreadable. Turning back to Kili, he touched his knee in a wordless command. _Go_. He couldn’t help but let his gaze jump up to meet, and it was to find that Kili was still his little brother, scared and unsure of the world. It steeled his resolve. He would protect him, as he always had, as he always would. Fili turned back to face the challenge, and felt Kili slip off the bed and through the door behind him.

 

 

     He expected an explosion, had braced himself for noise and movement and _energy_. Instead, it was the stillness of a forest after a fire, the moment fragile and unsteady, and a sense of trauma just finished on the air. As Fili squared off with his uncle, he studied his face, the shame and guilt there in the furrow of his eyebrows, and realization stole over him.

 

          “You don’t feel like you have the right to judge us, do you?”

 

     Thorin stared intently at the ground, avoiding his nephew’s gaze. Fili started to repeat the question when Thorin broke in roughly.

 

          “No! I do not. After all the mistakes I have made in my life, the number of times I have been wrong, about so many things… who am I to look upon what others have and criticize? I cannot condemn you two for something that clearly brings you joy. And all I have ever wanted was for you both to be happy. Me and your mother both. You are all the family either of us has left.”

 

     Thorin fell silent, and Fili was unsure of what to say. It was completely unexpected, the lack of anger or yelling or accusations. He didn’t know what to do with it. But before he could do anything, Thorin continued.

 

          “Do not think kindly on me for this. I have come to this conclusion over many long months. I had always had the suspicion that you had grown closer than brothers, but I could never be sure if you stuck together simply because there was never anyone else your age to befriend. But then I saw you, just before we left for the journey. I had come looking for you in the practice yard, to speak of some last minute changes to our departure. I… saw you sword fighting, but then you disarmed Kili, and moved into hand combat, and then...” Fili felt his face heat up, but he held his ground.

 

“I left without saying anything, I didn’t know how to deal with it. I couldn’t leave you behind without explaining myself, and so I had to travel with you, see you together all the time, and think upon what I knew, without discussing it and exposing you to the entire company. It allowed me the time I needed to come to terms with it, to let the reality and the implications into my heart. But I did it just as much for myself as for the two of you. If you were forced to separate, it would fracture your relationship with me and our family as a whole. I was too selfish to give that up.”

 

 

     Turning back, Thorin looked sadly upon his nephew. Now that he had his attention, Fili still wasn’t sure what to say. Coughing nervously, he thought for a moment before speaking.

 

          “I… thank you for your acceptance, however you came to hold it. It is more than either of us had ever hoped for. We had entertained an idea, before the trip, of perhaps running away together, to go somewhere where nobody knew us and we could live life as we pleased, without judgment.”

 

     Fili flicked his gaze up to his uncle, and saw the resigned pain settled there.

 

 

          “It would have hurt so much to leave you and Mother behind; we could think of no other way to be together without inflicting more damage and facing attack. But then you told us of the trip, and we thought, Kili convinced me, that perhaps if we helped win back Erebor, it would be enough. Enough for you and the rest to overlook even our worst flaws. And if not, it was a good way to scope out potential places to live. But nothing so far has happened as we planned, and now we’ve ended up here, and it’s better than we had hoped to get. I do feel that you at least deserve an explanation though.”

 

     Thorin tried to interrupt, but Fili stopped him.

 

 

          “You may not feel you are deserving of one, but you are going to get one anyway. Besides, it would be nice, if someone besides us… understood.”

 

     Having been effectively silenced, Thorin only nodded for him to continue.

 

          “Well, how do I start? It’s simple really. There never was anyone else.”

 

 

     He waved to the door where Kili had left after the discovery, and was surely still eavesdropping.

 

 

          “Ever since he was born, he was my responsibility. I was his protector. And he was my jester, the one who reminded me to laugh, taught me to enjoy the small things. As you said, there were few other children to engage, but even the ones that were around, they were never good enough. I could go and play dwarves and orcs with them, but I would spend the whole time thinking how Kili made a much more amusing orc than Banor, or how Sefren was not nearly as good a fighter as my brother. As we got older, it didn’t change. Going to the tavern wasn’t worth the time if Kili wasn’t along, hunting was a bore. When he would travel to the next town over, I would wander listlessly until his return. And I know he was the same. We talked about everything, shared more.”

 

     He continued desperately.

 

 

          “And I tried, Mahal I tried to find someone else with who I felt a tenth of the joy I had with Kili. But all of them were just ‘not kili’. I don’t even remember the name of the first girl I kissed, the first man I bedded. They all fled my mind as soon as I got back home and saw that dark hair swinging as Kili worked in the forge, or helped Mother with dinner. I couldn’t stand against it. Neither of us could. And so we let ourselves go where we were wont to go, even if everyone else said it was wrong. We never needed the approval of anyone else. The only ones we even stopped to worry about were you, and mother, and maybe the others. Even then, we wouldn’t have stopped, if we were kicked out, disowned. I was willing to lose everything for him, work a hard poor life as a smith of men, as long as we were together. And I still feel that way,” Fili finished fiercely, breathing hard. “He is my Erebor, my Arkenstone-“

 

 

          “And he is my Shire.” Kili answered from the doorway. Fili knew he had been snooping outside, and couldn’t help the small quirk of his lip. A quick grin was flashed towards him in return.

 

     When he returned his focus, it was to see his uncle scrutinizing them both. With a sigh, he scrubbed his hand slowly over his face.

 

 

          “You hoped I would understand. I cannot say I understand completely, or even very well. But I understand well enough to know you mean the words you speak. I would not try to keep you from each other for a hundred thousand gold coins.”

 

     Quickly, Kili crossed the room and caught his uncle in a fierce embrace. Caught off guard, it took Thorin a moment to respond, and he was forcefully reminded of how far from little his sister sons had grown when he was bodily lifted off his feet. He heard Fili laughing from somewhere behind him, and he felt the conviction settle in his heart. He would not give this up for anything.

 

 

~~finis~~

**Author's Note:**

> If you thought it was a bit odd for me to have a dwarf using "He's my Shire" as a term of devotion, I just couldn't get my brain to lie happy with the Arkentstone and Erebor references shared between both of them. I know, it's a very dwarvish way to say it, and they're dwarves, but... So instead I made up a nice little headcanon that Kili really loved listening to Bilbo's stories, and he was always so passionate and emotional about his home that Kili decided it was a fitting term. He loves Fili as much as Bilbo loves the Shire. I know, what a sap I am. *hides in corner*


End file.
